Anyone that truly knows me personally, knows that I have many sides of me. That can be a great thing but as the creative type, it can hinder you in some ways as an artist…especially if you seek growth. Recently, I went away with another artist to assist her on her project. It was great, however, I realized that in order for me to continue to do this and to do it well, I need more time. I need to deprogram that part of me that sees desks, folders, and paperwork and strict policies and procedures all day long. Don’t get me wrong! You do what you gotta do to eat and provide for your family. But for how long and at what cost?? I had gotten to the point at my work where I felt as if I was walking around like a trained zombie. … Busting my ass 9-5 and not reaping any benefits from a dead end job making money for those that get fat pay checks not understanding the plight of my kind … Coming in day to day to breathe air with toxic people that have no love for me because they don’t even know how to love themselves … So that was the dilemma that I was faced with… Do I continue to live this way and be unhappy for who knows…the rest of my life — and do what I love like it’s a freaking hobby?? Or do I grab my balls, give my notice so that I can breathe fresh air, do what I love so that I can continue to work harder at this gift I was given and come up with a plan?? I chose the latter…
Am I nervous about my decision — hell yea! lol But am I happy — YES!
Some will never understand what I feel unless they understand the deep longing to be free to sing at the top of your lungs or pick up your pencil and finish an idea that just popped in your head — and you can’t because you’re supposed to sit at someones desk all day for five days straight in silence.
I was talking to a friend yesterday and told her my decision. She was happy for me and told me the story of a friend of hers that also made the same decision. She went from making loads of money to being a dancer. And at first she went throw waves of emotions. That’s me right now. But I don’t regret it at all. Because I know just as she has become a very successful dancer doing what she loves…I two can be a success where ever my heart leads me to go.
Obviously, I will need to work cause a sista has to live…but the course I was going…I just can’t do it anymore. I have songs to complete, ideas to expound on and four short stories to finish writing so I can put them on film. It’s time to continue growing…
One word of advice that I give to you…regardless if you are an artist, doctor, landscaper … you get the idea — be happy. Sometimes you have to make change, which at times means sacrifice, in order to grow and live life. Don’t just live, live life and love it. It was a gift given to you so be happy doing it. The saying goes:
And if your right hand causes you grief, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.
OK…that is a bit extreme (lol) but it’s simply saying change that which hinders you and weigh down your soul. With risk comes reward…
OK…going back to sleep now. But before I go, thanks to everyone that has supported me and had faith in me. Thanks to those that have purchased my music and watched my videos and continue to ask, what are you doing…when is the new music coming out. Thanks to those that give me encouraging words. Thanks to my musician friends that push me to see and continue to believe. Thanks to my indie-artist friends that understand my journey and take the time to support what I do as I will always support what you do. You ALL are appreciated way more than you will EVER know. Much love…mmmmuaaaah!
Good night and good morning